rebellious me; no hope no future

2006-10-10T22:51:00.000+08:00

today is the last paper.
alhamdulillah. segala keseksaan menguji minda dengan penuh
tekanan stress sudah reda kerana puncanya sudah tiada lagi.
akhirnya doa ku suda dikabulkan. x))
hahas. merepek sak fizah.
lit was kinda tough though. oh well,i did my best i think?

saddened by sad faces surrounding me.
sofeeyah was sad,something happened.
omg,i couldnt concentrate doing lit exam.
was guessing WTH happened.
get to know the whole story after school.
i prefer to disclose it here.
nevermind. cheer up alright? i know its a typical saying.
but what can do? thats the way i express it with
full of meaning and concern in it. seriously.
doesnt need to say in awesome english like anis to impress you right? xD
EHH. did you just smile while reading? CEY.

after school went to CP with aufa,arif,nad and BG.
woohoo! on the way saw anis and deborah. the lalings.
help arif buy EHEM. a couple,the guy was ex sengkang
with his GF. hahas.
they are damn nice. then after that do
their usual stuff and go walk around CP buy
game for PSP.
they went home first,slack with aufa and nad.
funny sial. cant stop laughing.
its been a long time i never laugh that way. =))
thanks! you rawk!

slack at condominium crner,eat eat.
play true n dare.
ask nad to ask for the guy no. N she really do.
we licked wall.
i was asked to tell the CHIJ girls throw my rubbish. LOL.
then went walk around cp.
slack at library.
buy sweet. alotta stuff happen. just darn hilarious this day.

to shorten the story,
we were at library.
nad was talking to herself.
want to know what was the matter.
i asked "apsl?"
nad: "die nangis?"
me: "die nangis??"
nad: "uh uh"
me: "..asl die nangis?"
nad: "psl die hrtbrken."
me: "asl die hrtbrkn?"
nad: "psl die nangis."
it goes on and on. hahas. bods.
finally get to know her ex wants patch up
then aufa say,
" ex dier nangis psl hrtbrkn mintk nad patch up."
HAHAHA..
then walk walk walk walk..
go aufa house at lst.
we played slide before that. ahas.
childish sial. but FUN + NY!

enough of that.
focus on my darling ahmad.
umm,im sorry you guys. i break my promise.
i did smoke today. i was out of conrtol
i felt guilty. i did promise ahmad too.
then too embarassed to let him know and dont want him to be disappointed.
at last,i told him. the guilty was just killing me. couldnt stand it.
he say it was okay. he undertstood. he wasnt angry.
he will support me all the way.
*melts* i cried. OMG.
was touched. okay. i aint EMO just feeling2.

wanna end here. bubyes.
scared laptop shud dwn.

2006-10-06T21:04:00.000+08:00

long time never blog due to buisness of personal life routine.
between,exam is here. studying.
guess what.

the day 041006 is officially the day i quit huffy.
without the love from others, i cant possibly have
the courage choosing to end that habit of mine.
thank you!
for the guy who used to say i always follow the crowd.
look at yourself now.

maths test was okay. miss low having high hopes for me.
yesterday stayed back just to have last minute tuition.
and im so going to be dead.
stress up because of exams.
not only that.
now,my brother is going get me in deep shit.

so called hanuram's mother sms me around 8+ yesterday night.
"hi im hanuram's mother. do you have any idea where is he?"
my hp was with him,lending it to him.
unexpected,he read the message.
like okay. he suspected something was a miss.
which parent would msg rather then call if they care for their children?
he knew my relationships all. UGH!
he called to make sure that is the mother and not a prank.
after the call,he told me firstly that person say he was hanuram and is speaking.
when he asked whether he knew me,he suddenly say he was hanuram's mother.
asking whether if im with HIM or not. like duhh. NO. who wants to anyway?!
okay. i dont know WTF going on. just irritated,i so do not want have anything
to do with HIM anymore.
since when did his mom get my no.?! this is the first time,hoping to be the last.

my brother still not happy. he hates people prank about giving
people serious shiting worries.
he want to see HIM.
and die2,
i must talk things round,to bring HIM seeing my brother.
wants to talk things over. whether true or not.
if not,he will call that HP no. himself.
and once he knows the truth but only the truth,
his happy or mayb not.
unsastified,i will get it too.
want pauto me tell my parents i got relationships going on.
he just cant tolerate this nonscence.
if my sister comes to get to know this,i dont know...

UGH! irritated. today simply in no mood.
now i just dont give a fcuk about anything anymore.
dont know what to do. as days passed.
im beginning to hate everyone. totally!
because why?
because of that one guy,every part of my world is covered with the
word,HATE!
but my love wont ever be less to my loved ones.

2006-10-03T14:09:00.000+08:00

yesterday was totally horrible.
cant stop remembering it. LOLS.
went to CP with nadirah after english exam to buy something
but then must wait for kakak first.
went to her work place,observe every movement of hers. x))
dont want to disturb her working,so stood there and wait.
then suddenly she said, ''ape ngok2?'' while smiling. xD
cute arh she. ask her a favour but must wait until 2.
okay,then i and nad walk around CP.

went to value$ shop saw this primary school kids,boys.
all malays which step but kental with their weirdo jambuls. x))
they look at me,i look at them back.
then after walking out of that place,they turn back and look at me again.
like some bunch of jakuns. hah.

want to curse,but cant. fasting.
so all the nonscence stuff playing inside my head.
- pe nie step? aku pn bleh lar dey. aku step at ur jambuls.
klao ngok, senyum tkp tap jgn senyum kambing suda sampai
nmpk gigi,jual kepe?tknk beli. tk maen.
dek nie nk ngok org, uat tk tao. obvious sgt,aku ade empat mate okay.
si hitam manis tu da tingi uat hal gala ar.

kekeke...
okay. then went to staircase in the middle of level 1 and 2.
wait for kakak there.
was sitting and talking to nadz.
then this old chinese guy came.
about 50+? yellowish teeth,no front tooth.
sememek face.
keep smiling all the way.
mentally unstable. sure one.
you will know why..

old guy: xiao mei..
us: (looking at him)
old guy: (sit beside us)
us: (full of sotongness)
old guy: i working here as security.
me: ouh kay. good ar. (smile away)
old guy: i want go work now. i working as security.
nads: then go work now uhs.
old guy: bubye.
us: bubye.
old guy: bubye. i love u. (looking at me)
me: LOL. i love u too. (laughing away)
old guy: i want kiss.
me: HA HA.

he went away.
soon enough,his back again..

old guy: hello!
us: hi..
old guy: i want go ca-pi-tol.
us: ??? okay.
old guy: i be at ca-pi-tol.
us: (silent)
old guy: i love you. i syg u. (looking at me and smile)
me: den u tk syg die? (pointing to nadz)
old guy: due2 syg. syg due2.
me: tk bleh due2. kene satu je.
old guy: ok lar. syg u aje.
me: abeh tk syg die?
old guy: tknk larh. nk syg u.
me: (LMAO)
old guy: okay bubye. i want go ca-pi-tol.
us: ?? okay. bubye!
old guy: i want kis u. (looking at me)
me: tk bole. (shocked and smile away)
old guy: bubye.. (touch my peha which is uncovered after that did to nadz)
old guy: bubye.. ( come to me and touch my leg again)

OMG. both of us was shocked. cant expect to do anything.
then quickly took water and wash off. HAHS.
was very disgusted. eww-

kakak ended up never came because she was busy.
due to lack of stuff members.
we have to use our old method then.
hahs. lazy to type. lalalasx-
ending here.
wansuay. love E5 except him him him and him. x))
okay.

2006-10-01T15:52:00.000+08:00

nowadays have no time to update.
alot of things happen.
miss the time pulling arif leg and drag him around. hahas. =X
remembered the time when i lift up myra skirt,me and aufa saw her undies. LOLS.
putting spaghetti sticks at ear holes.
damn fun. yeah!
no more pranks as exam is coming.
and i am busy with my own life.
gonna miss E5. confirm next year,everyone will be seperated. =((
what can do?
that is what called life.
but my love for them wont be less. sure one,i PROMISE. x))

my beloved darling ex,asked me out for dinner.
his cca,rugby,was having dinner at pan pacific hotel.
he say he wanted to bring me out.
but i cant,went to nenek house instead. =(( *sobs*
i told him bring someone else instead.
he dont want. he only want to bring the one he love only.
aww. touched. the dinner start at 7.
didnt want to disturb. called him at 10.30pm which the time it ended.
but no,there was a lucky draw. i told him,
if he win the lucky draw,he get me. hahs.
he didnt won it but someone else did.
so i told him that guy will get me or i get him.
he merajuk. alalala. my baby bucuk.
teasing him was fun.

nowadays,spending more time with ahmad.
talking on the phone.
his so sweet and gentle! hahas.
no kidding. everytime im sarcastic towards him
even though his not in the wrong.
there's one thing he will always say. sorry.
yesterday began talking on the phone with him from 10.30pm until 3.30am.
was dozing off while we were talking.
cant help that habit of mine. hehe.
his sweet,too sweet. cant be describe.

i did asked him this question.
what if i have another BF?
what will he do? how would he feel?
will he move on? even i told him to?

he say he will be happy for me as
i have found the love of my life.
he cant do anything. he will feel kind of sad,
but nothing could be done.
as long im happy,so he is.
he wont move on,even i told him to.
he will wait even how many years it will take.
as his love is true,he would sacrifice anything just for me.
he say im his first GF,so to him first love is eternity.
wow. impressive. not bad for a guy younger then me.
totally have the charms.

got to find out he got stomach hair.
wow! damn hot! woots-
hahas. xD
i wonder why he never say wrong stuff which
could or would offend me.
always find the right things to talk about.

cant forget this.
he once told me that he and his friend fight.
caught his friend in the act of touching his girl.
he punched him until he fell. woots-
go AHMAD! hehe.
and he say settle another day,one on one because his girl was there.
aww. so sweet!
then his friend called up budak baju. about 40+.
he was shocked. saw them carry parangs.
supposing to be one on one.
his friend kotek kecik. thats why call people. hahs.
he called up his cousin. brought 50 back-up. awesome!
and one omega guy. his cousin 'orang besar'. fierce uh.
then..
he dont want tell me. grr!
hahas. never the mind.
he want to forget about it. so i dont want to remind him.
lalalasx-
im crazy for him.

2006-09-28T20:58:00.000+08:00

cant type anyhow.
im afraid,afraid of being sued.what if i go jail?
you guys wont see me.
and i know how much it will hurt you guys. LOLS.
please lah hors. die2 u guys wont mis me. wa lao.
n i wont mis u too orh. remmb dat nia.
dream on. hahas.
im writing craps. wait for awhile,dont change the website.
just trying to release my frustration.

today was a very sway day somehow.
quarrel and be angry with others.
i just dont get myself.
okay,MC. im sorry.
but you know,you cant force a person to pay just because you want print for them.
cant you just send to them the picture?
i know its your camera.
let them have what they want.

really no mood for today.
was damn EMO. ugh!
fuck the emo in me.
was taking care of the bags outside AVA roomuntil 2.30,alone.
thinking back about my mum letting her down as exam is coming,
having the sense of failure in doing it.
not much confidence.

i was so looking forward in SC extra class to buck up my studies.
there's where the fairytale begins.
2N7 was damn noisy class.
there were chinese and indians.
so far,saw no malays.
mdm yeo was explaining.
couldn't really concentrate and heard what she was saying.
asked that girl who has the loudest voice to shut up twice.
still nothing happens.
it was so fucking inconsiderate.
and somemore,i have no energy to just give them face. WTF.
alot of E5 peeps getting irritated. me too,mine was the highest level it could go.
i throw my ring at her. it didnt hit her. somehow missed.
she was shock.
i asked her to shut up then two indian guys get involved to myconversation anyhow,KPOing.
never did i ask them to get involved.t
hey are just extras.

go hell uh,stupid.
asking me to shut up because now im the one who is talking.
another guy was smiling. it wasnt funny.
i told him what smile2?!
he say he not smiling at me.
wow. what a pathetic lame reply.
dont want to die early and no energy,i keep my temper for awhile.
controlling.
ding jie and charmaine ask me to walk out of class. xD

asking someone else to get my ring back.
then the indian guy say,go let her get the ring back.
she the one who throw what.then i heard them say to valerie,to open her bag because they threw my ring there.
telling her that the bangla(me) threw at their friend.
asking them not to touch it as it will lead to death.
.. bla.. bla..
that was so over the board.
and why the hell they threw it with touching it if it leads to death?!
stupid like to the max. a waste of time to give a fuck bout them.
okay. and they no need be such a bustard!
how i wish i could lay my hand on thembut too bad,
its fasting month.
whatever it is,valerie couldnt find the ring.

in the first place,they dont need to be such an asshole.
after ending the SC class,they complained at mdm yeo.
kentalans. you think i care?HAH. *meow* scared right?
that's why want complain only. you think i care?
well,its a fucking NO of cause. like DUHH. xP
whatever it is,im ending this story here.

P.S- they couldnt find the ring because the ring is cursed.
my friend gave it to me as a special gift. the use is to throw at someone
who makes me damn angry like never before.
it will disappeared in matter of time before they would notice.
it will follow them back and make some distiurbance in their life.
there's no peace. only reality full of hauntings.
i cant turn the spell back,sorry it was your fault.
so please,be nice to me and others,and i will be very nice to you.

2006-09-22T18:19:00.000+08:00

yesterday my mummy bought me a new hp.
like wow. all of a sudden withoutme knowing.
what a surprise.
umm,shock. *gasp*
okay. thats so totally fake. hahs.

today today today,
gary and jian hao noisy as normal.
but cute too. hahas.
not forgetting funny.
PE lesson,only the both of us,
rachel and me have our privacy dating okay.
so guys dont be jealous. LOLS.
doing our own work actually.
then hilarious us,filled with laughter. hahs.

didnt spend that much time with my PPG. x((
never the mind.
got MT oral,gonna fail like YEAH.
supposed to see miss low,ended up she got meeting.
like whatever. you think i care? sorry lahs.
maker of dialogue from that gongtoot. xD
saw a sec 1 boy being bashed up. =x
so pitiful. aww.
but the scary thing was he bang his head at the wall.
stupid or what? his face already has a big lump.
hais. people nowadays. acting big. spare me the pathetic nonscence.

go CP with charmaine and brenda.
woots. fun fun fun. =))
was being sarcastic. with them.
that cikopek squash my boobies.
GRR. xD later flat how?
nevermind. can become same gang as mc.
the flatties. hahas.

ending this post with goodbyes and a loving
internet kiss to my beloved PPG because i miss them so the very much.

*muuarrckksss* !!
(with salivas on your screen,to show how sweet i could be) x))

2006-09-21T15:04:00.000+08:00

yesterday.
what really happen in school?
i cant remember.
im suffering from serious STM. hahasx.

well,after school went out with nadz to see kakak.
hell fun yeahs?
she is so freaking kecoh.
talking non stop. she rawks! x))
damn cute lil' girl. xD
left her for awhile,
me and nadz were talking about 'cushion'. LOLS. =x
SHH.

today.
E-learning Day.
really hate it. kiwak lu peh kucing pondan ar.
angry sia. alot of problems occured.
damn! i wish to slap the person who came up with this
in the first place. UGH.
talk to sofeeyah and afiqah. thanks to them,my
steaming (not that okay) level is average. HAHS. xD
i and sofeeyah did something bad for home econs. =x
naughty sofeeyah. hahas.

want to end here.
in no mood. ended up not doing english.
damn. whatever okay. boplek kecik. lols.

to my mr. right ;

Baby I love you,
You are my life.
My happiest moments weren't complete
if you weren't by my side.
You're my relation,
in connection to the sun
With you next to me
there's no darkness I can't overcome.
You are my raindrop.
I am the seed.
With you and God, who's my sunlight,
I bloom and grow so beautifully.
Baby, I'm so proud.
So proud to be your girl.
You make the confusion,
go all away,
from this cold and mixed up world.

I am in love with you.
You set me free.
I can't do this thing,
called life without you here with me.
Cause I'm Dangerously In Love with you.
I'll never leave.
Just keep loving me,
the way I love you loving me.

And I know you love me,
love me for who I am.
Cause years before I became who I am,
baby you were my man.
I know it ain't easy,
easy loving me.
I appreciate the love and dedication
from you to me.

Thought of all my love for you
sometimes make me wanna cry.
Realize all my blessings,
I'm grateful
to have you by my side.

Every time I see your face,
my heart smiles.
Every time it feels so good,
it hurts sometimes.
Created in this world,
to love and to hold,
to feel,
to breathe,
to love you. <3

2006-09-19T19:09:00.000+08:00

i was damn noisy today.
full of talking craps during art with anis. LOLS.
im hyper.
saw my darling friends,glad to be back in class.
was frustrated during maths lesson.
i was there siting like one gongtoot,blur,as miss low teach new topic.
i hate it when it i must write down things that i done understand. UGH!
nevermind. stressing myself wont help.

IT lesson was the best.
i was really in the mood to the project.
arif and me tug in shirt look like some gongtoots.
great.
rachel always laugh at me.
i wonder what did i do.
i knew i was talking whole bunch of craps and was sort of dancing. =))
she put her leg at mine,she said my leg feel like seductive.
LMAO. shocking. she aint lesbian i hope. xP

after school,went the usual routine.
you know with who. hahas.
then go back school do art.
art was fun! whee-
loves the peeps there. laughing like hell.
kamaliah say i make her day,never laugh that much before.
am i funny? hmms.

went around disturbing people.
bored of doing art,went down to sent sofeeyah to gate.
was ordering bread and guess what?
i forgot to take my money down.
okay. like WOW. im so suferring from STM.xD
took rasyiqah money,scared it would fly away.
later got to find out that rasyiqah was seacrhing the whole school for it.
sorry.
naughty me.

everybody was getting lesser in art room.
what to do?
so i decided to entertain myself by tugging in shirt,
button up my collar.
hahas. anis and debbie say i look smart.
say future buisnesswoman. x))
then try the 80's style,ah lian.
tugging in shirt,collar push up and folded sleeves. hahs.
mdm noor was there like wth im doing.

hahas. mdm noor was funny.
i like her. yeah man. loyar buruk.
ask her ''cikgu,mr gus dah tkde lagi?''
she replied ''die masih ade,masih hidup lagi.''
nevermind.
she caught my hair being dyed and give some sort of lecture.
i remember the coversation of massages. HAH.

went home later with hui min and charmaine.
along the way saw fatin.
asked for you know what. hahas.
gave her my last stick and lighter.
am i kind or what? =X

2006-09-18T20:23:00.000+08:00

school was as for normal,went to get done and over with my suspension.
today is the last day. i repeat,today is LAST day.
im going back to class tomorrow.
miss E5 yeahs? =))

believe it or not,i studied. like wow.
geography is the subject. i did like 3 mind maps.
mr tan was there too,teaching me as well.
our topic was from about vehicles giving out to pollution and he was
reminded of one vehicle which pulls container called 'prime ..'
i forgot. -.-"
then he told me there's this cartoon called 'transformers'.
he watch it himself. wow. =X
unbelievable.. well,there's no harm watching it. =))

after school,went to bowen.
SKSS got 1st for the performance.
congrats! the show was damn fun and funny.
enjoy every moment of it.
lalalsx-
SKY hell rawks yeah!

im glad sofeeyah loves the wrapping.
its brown in colour. very nice!
with ribbon. together it cost only $5,excluding the present. x))
fyroz likes it too. YEAH!

im gonna kill arif. hahas.
walking to CP with aufa,nadz,mc and arif.
it was raining and there's lots of puddles.
arif purposely stepped on it,and i was wet. UGH!
dirty water. and fizah never fails to strike back. lols.
mine was special one,wit a bit of mud. =))
it was fun! i love them loads.

we do the usual stuff.
it was darn funny.
arif,me and aufa cant stop laughing.
keep making fun of nadirah without her knowing.
she doesnt know how to 'tarik'.
could see from the smoke which is alot,
coming out from her mouth.
arif keep doing a demo. LMAO.
funny them. x))
poor nadirah. aww,like *sobs* =X

2006-09-17T21:07:00.000+08:00

guess what?
i found my mr right. =))
my very own ex who is single and available now.
hold on there for a minute,that doesnt mean im attached.
all i could say is that he is like aint no other guy.
not dirty minded or pervetic like boys nowadays.
totally not sick in the mind or anything.
he is like any girls dream boy,seriously.
i aint joking. i know him for about 1 year and its gonna be 2 soon.

who doesnt fall for a romantic,charming,nice guy which never see failure as an answer.
hard working,willingness to help others. very understanding,matured,caring,
never ever hurt my feelings before. aww. xD
umm,he doesnt have the looks,so what?
its the heart that counts. x))
his the type of guy that has great personality.
he is so sweet to me,melts my heart out.
sacrifice is what he does to his loved ones.
my hero. lols.

always sent me cute good night messages like everyday.
his so clever,from raffles institution. wow.
his tall,1.71m. but the bad thing is,his 1 year younger than me. x((
but age doesnt matters. dont say i like to fall for a young guy.
he has damn lots of admirers just because of the personality in him.
always there for me to listen to my problems.
solving problems is what he does best.
he cry for me last time,because he thought he hurt me.
okay,thats so sweet. leaving me lots of miss calls
which i never answer because was asleep. if im not wrong,its about 80+ calls??
cant be exact.

and me,havent accept him yet.
im not ready for love life again. now its me and my studies first.
guys later. i told him,he understood me and say will wait for me
no matter how long it takes. =))
okay. i love him,i guess. x))
yesterday he told me this "me encanta ushte."
figure it out yourself.

2006-09-16T16:59:00.000+08:00

i've realise how meaningful life is.
arent you so lucky to have a chance to live?
get to eat,see the unexpected events unfolding before you and the glory surrounding you.
even get to listen to nice noise or sounds. speak whatever bullshits you want to.
communicating with you body language or using hands.
but pity to those disabled ones,they never had the chance.
some dont even have hands. you guys do have and could do everything so easy.
LUCKY YOU! could even dig your bloody nose without even being notice.
but still they treasure what they are now and what they have.
most of us would say, life sucks and wished they were dead.
we are lucky to get a taste of life,which the some of the deads havent experience before.

nothing is perfect but it can be perfect.

if you try,and keep your spirits high,
everything is possible.

treasure every moment that you live,it maybe the best or the worst.
but face it,it aint that horrible after all.
hating and loving is normal.
forget the hate,live the love. love is everything and anything that you
will ever need in life. it can hurt sometimes.
well,get over it will you? its mind over matters.
fuck the emo in you,why be depressed just over some stuffs?
let the past be the past,never have regrets.
move on with your life, it will be much more fun before you know it.
what have you got to lose?

some of us have been depressed over their mistakes to their loved ones.
give it a long thought,was it really a mistake? or your trying to be truthful to yourself?

if its really a mistake,you dont intend for it to happen.

if you purposely did it,what i could say is,way a go dumbass.

and sometimes you are being truthful to yourself.

dont worry,its normal for this things to happen.

everyone makes mistake in life.

realising your wrong doings is good enough.
dont always think you right,are you blind or something? yes?

oh my goodness,no.1 rated fucktard,'well done'.

dont ever cry about your wrong doings,it aint worth you tears and
you cant even turn back the clock.
dont worry,your loved ones will forgive you for sure but takes time.
people arent so heartless. everybody is good and bad.

the first and the last,always treasure your family.
listen to their advise for your own good,because they have experience it before.
never turn a deaf ear to their talks,or you'll be deaf forever i hope.
parents wont ever turn their backs on you. maybe i am wrong.
some did,i know. but do you ever know whats on their mind?how they feel?
they dont just do something without a good explanation to it.
you may never know,dont ever jump to conclusions,
think that ''my parents dont love me anymore''.
dont be such a baby,ask them yourself stupid!
they scold you because they love you and you deserve it anyway.
even your not in the wrong,
just apologise and give them a hug but please dont give that fuck up attitude.
it will really melt their hearts for sure. the fire burning inside them will just be out.
they just need to release their anger,not purposely on you.
they didnt mean it seriously. they need a listening ear.
when the first time they say they love you,they do mean it.
and it will last forever until their hair turns grey and their souls being taken away.
never break their heart and let them cry,what goes around,comes around.
your life will be like living hell,heartless freaks!
i will make it that way for you.

remember in life,you have to forgive and forget.
let bygones be bygones. never let the hate control you.
respect yourself before respecting others.
love for who you are and not for who your not.
be optimistic,do everything without complaining.
laugh till you drop. be happy and smile all day like you mean it.
face your fears or have fears affected you.
stand up for yourself,be brave. dont be a whimp.
fix yourself up before trying to fix others.
be brave overcoming obstacles,dont back out last minute and
be a pathetic qualifying loser of your life.

Ooops. does my sarcasm hurt you?
well,get over it,moorons.
im writing this just to make time pass by and about what i think.
do treasure yourself. x))

2006-09-15T15:57:00.000+08:00

im really sick and tired of internal suspension in which it means,
still have to go school but cant enter class.
that totally sucks! somemore im alone there,depend on nature to entertain me.
had enough of this,i went school late,wasnt on purpose and this is what i get?
i was sick,might as well never come school! making the effort and i got shits.
UGH! i knew im wrong for not going detention.
but there was a delivery at my house and i dont feel well.
not my problem if you dont believe. must i get permission to do this?
excuse me,who are you?! my parents?
fine,im at fault. whatever it is,if i fail my exam again, all i could say is blame it to school!
im so fcuking paranoid! and now what i could do is break down and cry. =((

on high rate of tension and stress up.
what if i fail my exams and go NA?
what if i let others down? what will i do? what if they are dissapointed?
what if my parents give up on me? why am i so broken?
i hate letting people down,especially the elders.
my parents thought of me having a bright future ahead.
some teachers gave me high hopes. what if i just shatter their hopes for me?

miss low came to the coffee bean area,gave me back my medicine.
was surprised she wasnt angry with me.
she told me she was worried for me,my exams.
afraid that my grades will drop again like last time all because of this
stupid detention. she encourage me to study hard. thanks. =))
talk and teach me maths too. i was touched,i cried.
she asked me to get A1 for maths,told me not to let her down.
saying that im capable of such marks. wow.
how could i? im on internal suspension now,how to get A1?
im so stupid,i failed almost most of my subjects.
qualify a FAILURE. dont you get it? theres no more time,its too late.
my mid yr exam for maths scored an F9,you expect me get A1?

and now you depend on me to achieve it,i'll try my best. i promise.
if i cant do it,im sorry. USELESS,thats me.
cant you guys get it?! see my attitude,my studies.
its too late,everything is impossible.
thank you for the concern. appreciate it very much.

talked to mr tan at coffee bean.
mr tan advise me,he believed i could score high.
told me to try my best. you see?
can you guys just dont give a damn bout me?
it hurts to see having hopes for someone which cant be depended on.
i break my parents heart alot because of problems in school.

i hate this feeling,where people have high hopes for you
when you are at the weakest point. nothing seems possible,and it would take a miracle to
achieve it. now im on my own. im worried i let my parents down.
all i just want to do is make them proud.
im too negative minded.
i will do my best. i'll try,nothing going to stand in my way.
i'll make the effort. i will get back up on my own feet.

2006-09-14T21:33:00.000+08:00

was late again,dont give a damn anyway.
was sick,what could i do? at least make the effort to go still.
reach my record already. yeah! 10th time going school late.
anybody could beat that? xD
anis was late too,like surprise surprise. was it a dream?
anis coming late? shocking? well no,its normal. xP

skipped detention,cca,science class and didnt hand in malay project.
who wants to go and do anyway? only the guaikia.
feeling kind of guilty though,i feel so stressed up.
in class,was so not in the mood after recess.

i think the med really make me hot tempered,yesterday too.
i was sleepy as usual,going to doze off.
ling ling step on my shoe in hist class,i scolded her. IM SORRY!
i didnt mean it. you apologise again and i scolded you get lost. x((
mc also being scolded by me. i just dont know whats going on in my mind.
could only focus on hatred and more of it.
i really apologise to those i gave attitude to. really sorry!
took the time to cool down and i finally did. thank goodness. =))

gary punch the wall behind the class,his hand bled.
i was upset and concern as well. so naughty of him! hmphs.
you better dont do it again. he asked me to sayang him. LOLS. x))
whats going on with the boys nowadays? =x

sofeeyah,i pitied her having to sit with some pervetic scoundrels.
i dont mind if they dont irritate her but they did and she cant defend herself.
they keep babbling away about dirty stuff. trying to act matured in some ways.
showing off having to know about this stuff i guess. idiotic immatured freaks!
hate you guys!

after school,slack with priscilla soh and eileen under charmaine block.
can say boring cause waiting for the others who went for science class.
was there disturbing pris. hahas.
aww,how pitiful. eileen was silent.
went around the block for time to pass by and saw joan.
said hie to her. =))

after the peeps come,everything went chaos.
was there up to my mischief. x))
spray water on mc. tease people. bully jerlin.
my own type of entertainment. i like.
it was damn funny for me.

was 'fighting' with mc when a teacher saw us,we ran away.
got to know the teacher went under the block to check us out but too bad,
we aint there. my med was missing in the action.
pris took it because wont let me keep it after
she saw me eat. when we run away from the block,she left it there accidentaly.
i came back,it wasnt there already. who the fcuk wants to take my med?
i wonder. oh well,its lost. i dont mind.
pris want to pay back so much,let her be. xP

go cp,eat with jerlin and mc.
somthing funny happen.
i was laughing and..
okay. its disgusting. i wont tell. x))
went home. joking around with mum,fun!
we talk about an article; son addicted to subutex threatens to kill himself,troubling the mother.
my mum say to me,
''kalau aku ada anak macam gini,aku dah amik pisau bunuh die."
"atau suruh die pi pat tanga abeh tolak die."
hahas. this is just a joke okay?

thats all for today. and anis,please dont cry anymore.
i know the harsh life you going through. emo goth. =))
i lend you my shoulder to cry if you need it. stay happy.
this stuff aint worth your tears.
just remember,PPG will always be here for YOU. x))

2006-09-13T22:12:00.000+08:00

went late for school with mc because of our daily routine. xD
then coincidence saw hanuram came late as well. LOL.
thank god no more internal suspension but must go detention.
spare me that pathetic punishment cause im sick!
sympathetic me. x))
being escorted back to class by prefect,and yeah,i like chatting with her.
she's kind and quite funny. u rawk!

miss low didnt come for 2 days.
umm,like *sobs*. x))
gonna die if she knows im late today for the 9th time.

MT period was kind of lame and funny.
the funny thing was that fatin and myra sign languages.
got back the malay test paper,guess what?
2E5 ranked the highest for the malay test. whee-
congrats!
we're improving and done better. its a breakthrough. =))

during recess,i was somehow moody.
all i could do was,keeping my mind at ease by keeping silence.
by that time of point,i cant help it.
all i could thought about everyday was HIM. ugh!
trying to shake it off,i dreamt bout HIM often.
when i dont wish to see HIM,there he is.
but when his gone, i miss HIM,as a friend only.
freaky and weird but why? i am so not in love with HIM.
im sorry,i didnt even intend to think about it. it just came in my mind out of the blue.
like im so addicted to you like your my favourite type of disease. x'(

mdm ma class,keep dozing off as she babble all the way.
it wasnt that boring actually but the med make me sleepy.
so i was there,with my gong face n eyes shut.
i hope no one sees my expression when i was asleep. x))
trying my best to keep awake zZzzZzz..

people listen up,if i show attitude towards you,im sorry.
so called PMS of mine came up. xD
so please beware of my mood swings.
its dangerous,keep away.
or stay near to it if you dont want to heed my advice.
dont blame me if i hurt you. *meow* x))
please do take this SERIOUSLY! im in no joke. dont mess with me.
anyway,im in no mood nowadays. im trapped in a complicated web,i guess.
so thank you for your understanding.

2006-09-12T22:55:00.000+08:00

was being excused from oral because of my voice.
im so fucked up,its not nice being laughed at. i know my voice sucks.
but you know how hurting my throat is?
do you like it if i laugh at you because your sick and in no fucking mood?
what if one day and your dumb and cant speak clearly or at all,do you mind if i laugh at you?
surely its a yes. whatever it is,im through with that. concentrating on getting well
is much more better than thinking bout all this stuff.

school was usual,boring but fun. gary is really a funny guy,
enjoy sitting with him. x))
after school slack arif,aufa,hanuram and nadirah.
do our usual stuff,so called daily life routine.
went to aufa house,slack. like wow,its fun.
went home after that,gone to the doc's,didnt get an MC.
on the way there,saw this huge dog roaming freely. was scared but than LMAO.
that thing was shaking while its running. i mean,LOL. is that shit hanging or what? xD

arif really need licence to kick. YEAH.
he kicked a bottle and hit my head. WOW. what a pro kicker. hahas.
nice aiming though,thank god didnt hit my pimples.
if not it will burst or either turn black. LOLS.

at home,with my mum. chatting with her,fun to be with her,seriously.
joke around. she came home late as i waited for her,i lectured her.
"why come home late?! i was worried. dont do it again! naughty!"
she replied, "yes mum, wont do it again." x))
i laughed and she teased me,no voice still want to laugh. xD

then combed her hair,suddenly tears roll down.
crying in silence. didnt want let her know.
i feel so down thinking what have i done to deserve such a great mother like this?
a mother who has high hopes only for her daughter,never gave up on me.
work so hard just to earn money to keep me satisfied and enjoy life.
barely have enough for her own.
always say those meaningful words like i love you,take care darling,i miss you.
i didnt reply back.
always wanted to kiss me goodbye,i avoided.
praising me often,showering me love and concern. gave freedom and trust.
i took it for granted.
all i did to her was let her down,fail exams,make her worried,come home late,lying,
defiance,do bad stuff without her knowing,
especially having a bad impression impacted on others.

mum,im really sorry. i promise i will make you proud one day.
im sorry i cant be a good daughter since you gave birth to me.
im such a failure. all i thought was myself but i always thought of you.
I LOVE YOU.
her life was hard since she was born.
all her stories are sad,even her love life.
all i wished for is,stop putting loads of burden on you
and how i really wish i could just take away all the pain inside your heart.
I'll fix myself up slowly. i promise.
to the greatest mum in the world,i would/will DIE for you.

2006-09-10T20:21:00.000+08:00

i found out this cute icon and somehow funny,check it out.

http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c337/BriannyBrown/SmokingKills.gif
http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e33/inga_lover/dontsmoke-1.gif

im sick. anyone mind taking care of me? xD
thank you to those who cared and the one who wanted taking me to the doctor.
you know who you are. =))
i just let myself get well by nature alright.

say fizah strong what. xP
between,im angry about somethings.
stop the hatred. Its hurting others but its killing me.
nowadays people think they are so right,they intend to hurt others.
im sorry if it is like talking bout you,guys.
actually its a no.

i sincerely apologise about yesterday on the phone.
im sensitive when it comes to criticizing my parents.
i cant help. its just not nice.
i dont want to argue okay? im sorry if i hurt you.
you know who you're,please forgive me.
i know you're pissed somehow.

before going to sleep.
i want say i miss SOFEEYAH and ANIS alot. x))
not forgetting E5,we rawks yeah? hahas.
tomorrow going school. See your ''sememek'' faces. LMAO.

2006-09-09T22:21:00.000+08:00

Today went out with Mc.
Supposed to rest at home because i am SICK.
Slacking at home is damn boring. Seriously.
Confrim you guys got experience before.
Sure Die One. Can rot and die. Whee-
Met Wq,eunice and Mei en at CP because got North Vista Musical.
Then go home,after the performance finish,slack with Wq n Mc.
Cycle here and there while smoking. Hahasx. x))
Go play bumper car,MC treat me.

T H A N K Y O U D A R L I N G-!!

Go home and now alone. Mum and Bro go Johor.
Father go work. Like wow,i am so lonely like always.
Talking on the phone.
Gonna be 1 more day left before going to school. YEAHS -
I miss E5 alot. Missing all the GonGtoots' faces. HAH. x))
Thank You Jerlin for finding me the skin. you ROCK !

E 5 ROCK MY.... toilet !! xP

2006-09-09T13:03:00.000+08:00

Attention;
this is my first post,the start of my blog.
all of a sudden having it is because of wanting to express my love for people. xD
LALALASX-
actually,you know,writing posts are to keep as a reminder of sweet memories.
alright,like DUHH. x))
cant end this lameness in me.
rawk on KPO peeps who are reading this. xP